A Better Me Deserves a Better Body!

     I have been overweight for many years now (starting around eleven) and have tried many ways to lose it. I have gone from close to my desired weight, back to way over. Back and forth, my weight and my self-esteem wavered. I was exercising a lot and getting tired of it. I kept pressing on because I knew that my hard work would pay off.

      I joined the hype that was Insanity, figuring that I would see how I do. I was not ready for it at all. The warm up had me on the floor, wheezing and sweating like there was no oxygen left in the world. I couldn't finish it, much less do the actual workout.

Day 1 of Insanity 2012 (Front)

Day 1 of Insanity 2012 (Side)

     I decided to rest up for three days and try again. Same result. My body was still sore from the first warm up. How was I supposed to make it through even the workout? I stopped it for a week, wallowing in my despair that I just wasn't going to have a great body (Yes, ate a lot of junk food during this depressing time). I did what any wisher would do and looked through fitness magazines, wondering what I was doing wrong.

        An small article from Men's Health (sorry, can't remember which) about eating right popped out at me. I put my second bag of Doritos down long enough to read it (yes, second one that hour. Love Doritos in moderation now). While I could do some workouts, my weakness was the food that I consumed. It all made sense! Why was I so stupid?

       Over the next few days, I researched what I could about eating right. There were recipies and simple throw together things. Now, if you actually know me, you know that I am a procrastinator and, if I do say so myself, lazy to a degree. I don't want to go out and buy all of these ingredients and make something. This was looking hopeless the more I read. Still, maybe there was something really simple to start me off. I was 23 around this time and still couldn't cook. I mean, I could pour myself a mean bowl of cereal, but these recipies called for more than just a bowl and a spoon. Measurements, three different bowls to mix with, vegetables (what the heck were those!?) I wasn't feeling it.

         A few more days passed and I came across an article online about whey protein. I didn't do much research into it, however, I had seen it in stores. I bought the first one I saw and started to use it for shakes. It filled me up enough that I didn't feel the need to eat all day. I only replaced one meal with the whey and continued to order out. Not the best solution, but hey, I was just starting.

         Finally, I told myself that I needed to be able to cook something. I learned how to scramble eggs, toast bread (If it required more than one step or me doing it myself before this time, I wasn't doing it.), even empty a bag of salad into a bowl and add chicken strips to it. I started to eat at home more than going out. I also found the Insanity DVDs again.

         They didn't mock me as I had first thought, but there was a desire in me that wanted to try and accomplish something. I took to my basement, set out floor mats, and started the program. My first day went horrible, wheezing, feeling like I was going to die. I woke up everyday, sore, grumpy, I didn't want to continue. Yet, everyday, I was down in the basement working my butt off (literally). Month one came to a close and I took pictures again.

Day 30 of Insanity 2012 (Front)

Day 30 of Insanity 2012 (Side)

          I saw my body from day 1 to day 30. I was amazed at the difference. It didn't look like much, but I was able to see the changes. The workouts were getting easier, I was having fun going all the way through with barely any stops, and my self-esteem was rising. I was going to get that body I wanted!

       During the middle of month two, a friend of mine wanted to borrow Insanity. I let them, figuring I would continue what I could on my own. It didn't happen. Instead, I stopped working out all together. I gained weight back, my good eating habits went down the drain, I was larger than before. I hated myself. Eventually I got Insanity back, but I didn't have the motivation to start over. I was defeated.

        It is now the end of 2016 and I am writing this at 27 years old. My original goal was to have a fit body by this time. It hasn't happened. I have a problem with finishing things (my book is taking forever!) and that really gets me down. The problem is, also, that I let that negative feeling stop me. I'm not bashing on anyone, but myself. I hate my body and how it looks and how it weighs me down. I want to be able to jog, practice martial arts how I want, look at my pictures and say, "I worked hard to be fit". So, as of Novemeber, I have been eating better, making more meals at home, practicing my martial arts with gusto, and, yes, I am doing Insanity again. I have just finished month 1 of Insanity and I am now going into recovery week (at least that's what they call it). I am keeping a positive attitude, reminding myself that I am doing better today than I did yesterday. Everyday, I am adding in a good habit: I have a whey shake, I eat salad with chicken (that I prepare myself), I cut down on my portions of delicious foods that I love to eat (this one kills me a lot), I make sure to workout 6 days a week with Insanity.

             Everyday, I tell myself, "You deserve a better body."

~ Philip M Warden ~