This is a phrase that has been passed around several times. I couldn't even begin to count how many I've heard it. But then I think, 'Someone is saying this because they've experienced something.' Be it regret at any dreams they may not get to or to the possessions they've acquired and will lose with their passing. Sometimes someone they cared about is the one to leave and they want to dwell in that place of thought. I experienced this phrase recently as I'm sure many others around me did. A co-worker (who I unfortunately didn't know too well) received the news that he had cancer. They started kemo almost immediately. I heard he was hopeful and tried to remain in high spirits. Then almost all at once, his body shut down and he passed away. Nineteen days...that was how long he had from the moment they discovered his condition and when he left our world. I won't go into a debate about what killed him, the cancer or kemo, because I don't know and to me that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing because I realized how short nineteen days is. Deeper into thought, we don't know when or how we will die. How many have created a bucket list? How many are close to achieving everything they want in life? Do you care what happens to others after your passing? It made me look into everything that I have been doing up until this point. I realize that my dreams of writing and studying martial arts is a kind of want. I sort of want it, but I have my doubts as if I will actually succeed. This thought process has made me go slowly into these dreams of mine. It makes me believe that when someone told me, "Those are good ideas for your series, but I don't think writing all of those books is possible", I take it for truth. And if I were to die tomorrow, it would be true. Heck, I might not even get my first novel out with those thoughts holding me. And that scares me. I've set a goal for myself, but I'm not trying to rush into it. But what if I only have nineteen more days to live, to complete my dreams, to talk to friends? It's thoughts like that that keep me pushing forward, no matter how much the metaphorical mud weights me down. If I had only nineteen days left to live and I actually knew it, would I be kinder? Would I achieve all the dreams I want in the time I have? What will I leave behind when I die?
~Philip M. Warden~
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Philip M. WardenI have thoughts. At least, I think I do. Do I? Archives
September 2018
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